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On long distance relationships and the part that accompanies it.
I started reading an article on The Cut earlier and before I'd even finished it, I'd made a whole page of notes for my own. It discussed the whole 'thing' about long-distance breakups, the somewhat taboo side that accompanies LDRs.

The thing about a LDBU is that it's inherently difficult to finalise things and reach closure when you're at opposite corners of the globe. I handle breakups in one given way: cry and panic to my best friend until even she can't deal with me and leaves me to my Ben & Jerry's demise. But what about when she's also not around?

For me, the most difficult part is finding ways to put closure on something that hasn't been tangible to you at the given moment. We travelled far and wide back in England but never even had a chance in Hong Kong. I'm one of those supremely annoying people who haplessly attach memories to places and settings, but where once I could remember a place and essentially write off that setting for the future, everywhere I go is relatively to new and it's completely foreign to 'us'.

Hi I'm about to sound really heartless here but -- I haven't even cried once. Like, don't get me wrong, I tried to the other night and ended up metaphorically looking at myself all 'what are you doing Mish?'. It is literally impossible. Is it because I subconsciously tell myself because he wasn't here when I landed and still isn't that it somehow isn't true? I already reached the acceptance stage of a breakup but I still haven't cried. I think I'm broken.

Similarly, I moved to Hong Kong on the agreement that this was the right thing to do and I'd be completely supported in my decision. I'm supposed to feel let down, right? I'm supposed to feel like if I stayed, we'd still be sitting pretty, escaping on midnight adventures and hanging out on the swings all the time, right?

When you don't directly see him and he isn't tangibly available, breakups are lonely and odd. It didn't happen. Not really . I'm still here and he's still there. We were never together here or in the in between and I won't be there for a while. I can't decide if this is better or worse.

... Oh yeah, in case you didn't get the memo: I broke up with E. This isn't an exposé, we're still friends.

11 comments

  1. Sorry to hear this Michelle - hope you're doing ok... Break-ups are tough no matter what; even if you're the one that ended it, it's still sad that part of your life is over with.

    Take care lovely!

    Zoe xoxo

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  2. There's no right or wrong way to handle a break up, break down or just a break. Emotions can come and go in waves, you can't force them when you're not ready....in some ways having them not physically there can make the moving on process a whole lot easier....no random stalking outside there house etc :o


    Hanh x | hanhabelle

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  3. Definitely agree with you!


    Thuy xx
    imthuyvu.blogspot.com

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  4. Nobody can tell you how you're supposed to feel after a breakup, or anything for that matter, as they're not you. Perhaps it's just your acceptance and maturity in the situation (from both sides it would seem as it's lovely to see you're still friends!) - that's led you to just deal with it in your own way and move on. Just because you aren't crying doesn't mean you're broken, you're just handling it a different way. You never know what might happen in the future but for now just go out there and live your life, lets not forget - you did just move across the world, so I'd say you're doing pretty good on the living front so far!

    Louise x

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  5. Oh boo. Any breakup is naff to endure but when you dont really have closure I csn imagine it's even trickier when you can't sit and chat things through or even keep meeting up as friends. I'm glad you're still on good terms, it's something I really believe people should make an effort to do this whenever possible after sharing so much together.
    Onwards and upwards, and you never know what or who is around the corner!
    L x

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  6. I was in an LDR, and went through pretty much the same thing when we broke up. I didn't cry, nor did I feel mope-y or whatever. I was pretty angry though, but that's only because my pride thought he should've put in more effort. I think it's because it was actually for the best and the break up enabled me to do more things, and accept more opportunities. Out of sight, out of mind -is that how it is? Maybe it's just how the LDRBU goes.


    http://thisisnichie.blogspot.com

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  7. Ah thanks Zoe! I feel good still - it's just hard to deal with because I don't feel sad or angry or lonely. I just feel normal?

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  8. Hahaha "no random stalking", there is that too!

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  9. It's so odd because I'm the type of person who cries when like fictional characters break up or when a kitten cries, but for this one occasion, nothing.

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  10. It is so odd. I don't even feel guilty for moving away or sad because I do genuinely adore him. Considering how overemotional I usually am, it's just so strange to go through and deal with.

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